today i find myself lost somewhere in the past. i have been listening to Caedmon's Call. that could be the reason for the stroll down memory lane and the longing for yesterday. most of my college memories are somehow linked to this band! each song is grouped with memory after memory, story after story, hope after dream. it is an endless parade of laughter and tear soaked tshirts. the longer i listened the stronger the feelings of longing became, and after a while i realized the longing was not for the past itself. the longing is for the faith of the past, the urgency of the past, the heart of the past. you know as a college student it was so easy to follow Christ blindly! it was so easy to place my trust in his big able hands and let go. as a mom and a wife it is so much harder to do that! to just let go and trust that He (God) has everything in control. to remember daily that He has a plan that my feeble brain could never fathom. as i sat and continued to listen it became obvious to me that the "girl" who was able to let go and the "kid" who wanted to run after the Savior; to trust Him blindly was still here. she is older (only a little) and maybe even a tiny bit wiser, but she is more careful with her heart and more protective of her longings than before. it seems that life keeps getting in the way of God's big picture (whatever it may be) and that the still soft voice of the Father is often overshadowed by the yelling and screaming of the world. it turns out; the yelling and screaming was and is nothing but confused people without the hope of a Savior. today those voices are still here, the yelling and screaming of the world continues, but Jesus is alive and His soft calling is like a megaphone. it blares in my ears all day and all night! He asks over and over, where are you and what are you doing for me? Today I answer. I am here; waiting, ready for you to mess with me. Mess with my longings and rock my world. Today(more than yesterday) it is clear, His plan is bigger and better than any other option this world has to offer. His plan offers more than confusion and frustration. His plan is full of hope, redemption, grace, and mercy. His plan is full of love.
she is STILL here. she is ME!
so today is his soft voice yelling at you like a megaphone? are you gonna get up and do something or sit back and continue to listen to the frustrated and confused voices of the world around? i pray that you choose to get up and let Him mess with your life!
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